Your Big Break

“… A bus full of elderly tourists and one very disrespectful tour guide”.

1) EXT. Queenstown, New Zealand - Day

We hear street noises.

FADE IN:

A man is leant against a bus with the words "The Super-Duper Tour Bus" spray-painted crudely across it, eating a burger. This man is the Tour Guide (SKINNER). He is a little over weight and wearing very tight clothing which clearly does not fit. An elderly tourist couple approach.

ELDERLY COUPLE: Is this the super tour bus?

SKINNER: No this is the Super-Duper Tour Bus. Get on. Idiots.
(Shouts, mouth full of food)
... And don't forget the $60!

CREDIT: "The Super-Duper Tour Bus"

2) INT. On the Bus - Queenstown, NZ (LATER)

SKINNER is stood at the front of the bus. He taps the mic to make sure it's working. People are still talking.

SKINNER: O.K. shut up. Shut up!

People suddenly go very silent. The bus starts moving.

SKINNER: Hello and welcome to the super-duper tour bus. My name is Skinner and I will be your guide and source of knowledge for today. Now it is common knowledge that New...

A couple start to whisper at the back.

SKINNER: What did I just say? Shut up!
(Pause)
It is common knowledge that New Zealand is the oldest Country in the world. It was discovered in...

ELDERLY MAN: ... Excuse me.

SKINNER: (Sighs) What? I'm trying to do my thing here.

ELDERLY MAN: Isn't it the youngest country in the world?

SKINNER turns to the bus driver CLINT, mid-40's wearing aviators.

SKINNER: (Mutters) Stop the bus.

The bus comes to a sudden halt.

SKINNER: O.K. everybody stay calm, we seem to have a minor issue with the bus.

SKINNER crouches down and addresses the ELDERY MAN who questioned him.

SKINNER: (Whispers) Can you go and check for smoke please?

ELDERLY MAN: What do you mean?

SKINNER: Smoke. It could be a problem with the engine.

ELDERLY MAN: Why can't you go?

SKINNER: I need to keep an eye on this lot, make sure they're OK.

ELDERLY MAN hesitantly agrees and wonders off the bus.

SKINNER: (Shouts) DRIVE!

The bus doors slam shut and drives away.

SKINNER: Anymore Mr. smarty pants in here, huh? What about you Betty?

ELDERLY LADY: My name's not Betty.

SKINNER: Of course it is. Where was I? O' yeh. After Hitler conquered New Zealand in the 1960's, it is now a German speaking country...

ELDERLY LADY: ...This is ridiculous. Why aren’t you speaking German then?

SKINNER: Because no one would understand me then would they? Stupid.

ELDERLY LADY: (Mutters) None of this is true.

SKINNER: You want to end up like the other guy? I'll stop this bus.
(Pause)
Queenstown is famous for adventure holidays, museums and does anyone like strip clubs?

No one raises they're hand.

SKINNER: Good because there's none here, believe me I've searched. If you look to your left you'll see the current home of famous rock star Freddie Mercury.

SKINNER and CLINT high five. There are some confused faces amongst passengers. Various people flicking through guide books to check facts. SKINNER reaches down behind a chair and places a bullet proof vest on himself.

SKINNER: Right, we're about to enter the bad end of town now so please keep your windows locked.

Outside is a beautiful array of coffee shops and al-fresco dinning.

SKINNER: If you were to get off the bus here, you would almost definitely get capped. Capped is German for shot.

SKINNER refers to some notes.

SKINNER: Just to let you know, refunds are not available. So, any questions so far?

Everyone raises their hand.

THE END

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My name is Kyle and I am from the UK. I am now in my final year of studying Film Production at university. I focus mainly on short comedies and sometimes music video. In my spare time I like to DJ and watch films.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my script!