Your Big Break

EXT. HILLTOP, OTAGO BACK-COUNTRY - DAY

Best friends Tom (26) and Dave (27) sit on their mountain-bikes admiring a spectacular view.

Tom looks at his watch - a little concerned.

TOM
Cutting it a bit fine aren't we?

Dave leans over to look at Tom's watch and nods in agreement - they are cutting it a bit fine.

With that, Dave slowly clips up his helmet.

Suddenly, high-octane music kicks in as both of them launch off the hill-top! They ride at high-speed down the dirt track that divides the bush and the majestic mountains.

EXT. GLENORCHY MUSEUM - DAY

An old wooden building stands alone beside Lake Wakatipu in Glenorchy. There is a makeshift sign on it that reads 'Glenorchy Museum'.

The front entrance is closed, with four tourists standing in line outside.

Suddenly, Tom and Dave burst into the scene, startling the tourists as they ride past at a blistering pace and round the back of the museum.

No sooner have they disappeared than they reappear through the front entrance dressed in uniform - polo shirts, stubby shorts and leather boots.

DAVE
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to Glenorchy Museum. We'll be your guides on this lovely day.

INT. GLENORCHY MUSEUM, EARLY SETTLERS ROOM - DAY

DAVE
In this room we have one of the countries most impressive collections of ancient items used by the early settlers of Aotearoa, New Zealand.

He points at the first one.

DAVE (CONT'D)
Here we have a classic example of a primitive tool, believed to be used for the cutting of wood.

It's a handsaw.

TOM
Some form of receptacle obviously used to store liquid.

An old-style Coke bottle.

DAVE
An early portable communication device.

A old-school brick cell-phone. It rings.

DAVE (CONT'D)
Huh, still works.

Dave goes to answer the phone. But Nancy, an American tourist, has discovered something...

NANCY
And is this an ancient Maori cave drawing?

DAVE
No, that's a game of hang-man.

ANGLE ON: A stick-figure drawing of hang-man stuck to the wall. Tom stares at it intently.

TOM
Does it have an 'N'?

DAVE
(impressed)
Yip, two N's!

Dave writes the N's into the mystery phrase. It now reads:
'N_W Z_ALAND'

Tom thinks hard... 'Hmmmm'

INT. GLENORCHY MUSEUM, ARCHEOLOGY ROOM - DAY

DAVE
We're lucky enough to have acquired the remains of one of these early settlers.

Tom shows them a glass case containing a skeleton. We don't see anything in detail.

DAVE (CONT'D)
And we've gleaned a remarkable amount of information about this particular man. For example, we know he was skilled in the art of carpentry, he had an injury to his right thigh, he liked his tea with milk and two sugars and he answered to the name of Harold.

Randy stares into the glass case, perplexed.

RANDY
How can you tell all this?

DAVE
'Cause that's Tom's Granddad. He built the museum.

ANGLE ON: Tom, who has his hat to his heart, nodding respectfully.

RANDY
(a bit annoyed)
You don't have any human remains older than his Granddad?

DAVE
Well...aaah, we did have a couple of preserved bodies wrapped in bandages, but as it turns out we're missing our Mummies.

Dave laughs at his own joke. The tourists are not at all amused. Tom is fighting back a smile.

DAVE (CONT'D)
Heh, that's just.... just a little joke we tell every time.

Dead silence.

INT. GLENORCHY MUSEUM, ARTWORK ROOM - DAY

DAVE
Now you're gonna love this one. This is my favourite exhibit. This is a rare picture of what this area looked like 3000 years ago.

He shows them to some red velvet curtains on the wall.

DAVE (CONT'D)
Ya ready?

The tourists lean in. Dave slowly pulls the gilded rope. The curtains open to reveal...

A window looking outside the museum to the stunning scenery - the beautiful lake Wakatipu in the foreground surrounded by majestic snow-capped mountains. This is New Zealand at it's best - untouched by human hands. The only difference between this and a normal window is it has an ornate gold frame around it.

Dave is really excited. The tourists are confused. One of them pipes up:

RANDY
But this is just a window. We can see all this from outside.

DAVE
(pumped)
I know!

Dave turns back to window in admiration. As he does a guy kayaks onto the lake and waves his arms.

PHIL
G'day Dave!

Dave looks slightly sheepish.

DAVE
That's Phil. He wasn't there 3000 years ago.

PHIL
You ready?!

Tom, who didn't follow the group into this room, appears wearing a life-jacket. He throws another one to Dave who puts it on as he speaks:

DAVE
So that concludes our museum tour. Hope you enjoyed it. One thing I would ask is for you to lock the door on your way out.

And with that Tom and Dave dash off, appearing instantly on the other side of the window, life-jacket clad, running towards the lake, screaming...

TOGETHER
Wahoo!

The tourists just stand there...confounded. One of them takes a photo of the "painting". The flash acts as a transition to:

EXT. RIVER - DAY

Dave, Tom and Phil paddling down a river, surrounded by stunning native bush and breathtaking mountains.

They are in their element and having the time of their lives! The river narrows to some rapids. We pull out to a big wide shot as they hit the rapids, distant screams of delight echoing around the land.

FADE TO BLACK.

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Hi there. My name is Mick Andrews. I’m a 29-year-old kiwi writer and filmmaker.

It all kicked off for me when I was in the sketch comedy trio, Gary, who were nominated twice for the Billy T Awards. From there I produced, co-wrote and co-starred in a TV show starring Rhys Darby, Grant Lobban and ‘Gary’ entitled ‘Who’s Ya Mate?’ broadcast on TV2.

After working as an Editing AP in the London TV industry for 4 years, I’ve given up my real job and returned to NZ to place all my eggs firmly in the filmmaking basket – which is scary but fun.

I have been lucky enough to have a short film of mine shortlisted for NZ Film Commision funding and find out in February if we get the money!

I’m currently writing a feature, and about to direct a pilot for a TV comedy.

So, haven’t quite had the BIG break yet, but certainly looking forward to it.

Thanks.

Mick

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Production Notes:

The location for this film would not have to be Glenorchy. I would speak to local location people to get advice on where would be best to achieve this.

I have a few great actor/comedians in mind for Tom and Dave. I also know a American actor living in NZ who would be perfect for the tourist ‘Randy’.

I’m aware that it’s a fairly ambitious script for a 2-day shoot with $100,000 but I think we can do it - even if it means simplifying the script slightly and hiring a DP who has experience with fast turn-around drama.